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Other Vengeance 2.0 - ch4 - 'This Most Bloody Piece Of Work

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Wayward Martian		#21	[-]
Posts: 12151 (04/22/2008 20:06:38) We'll always have Kalis! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yeah, but then I go be a jerk and brag about it, and then people who know better call me on shenanigans. Never actually watched Lion King. I have nothing to blame but my own ignorance and skimming over the Latin namey bits in the wiki sidebar. [ETA:] Got off my butt and changed it. How does, There were six of them with the look of canines, work for you? ( Switching it to a more subjective than objective voice. ) Cannibal Predacon is cannibal. Last Edited By: Wayward Martian 04/22/2008 21:10:29. Edited 1 times.
Arison		#22	[-]
Posts: 124 (04/26/2008 10:52:55) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yeah, the subjective voice over objective works just fine. The 90's are coming back!
Wayward Martian		#23	[-]
Posts: 12278 (07/25/2008 20:33:52) We'll always have Kalis! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	It's a necropost, but it's my necro, darnit. That and I don't think new chapters deserve new threads. Especially since this is a little half-size chapter. The Other Vengeance 2.0 main page Morning, the new chapter. Quickstrike and Silverbolt get taken back to the Axalon and Inferno has a crisis. Also: Slash warning: The lesbians have a chat! Cannibal Predacon is cannibal.
Arison		#24	[-]
Posts: 187 (08/01/2008 14:17:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yay, more OV! I is happy. My favourite bit is definitely Tarantulas having fun times with the Axalon computer. I giggled muchly at that. And I have but two nitpicks this time around: -When you have Inferno panicking about Megatron's gender and status as the Queen, she goes through a list of people she could go to and eliminates Skorponok he "never even tried to understand." Yet a few paragraphs later, she decides to talk to Waspinator with Skorponok present. You've given reason for Inferno allowing Skorponok to be there, but it's a bit jarring to see her change her mind so quickly. -There's something that's been bugging me about your style for OV 2.0. I've never seen any typos or grammatical errors on your part, but the characters don't really seem to be... acting anything out. It seems more like they're just going through the motions, instead of experiencing each scene as they come along. I know it's written from an omniscient and objective point of view, but it almost seems too objective. If that makes any sense. Anyway, I like some of the new directions you're taking with this. And as always, I'm enjoying the re-write. The 90's are coming back!
Wayward Martian		#25	[-]
Posts: 12288 (08/01/2008 19:08:15) We'll always have Kalis! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Nitpicks: - Inferno mostly let Scorponok stick around because he knows Megatron better than she does and might have been able to understand what Megatron was about, even if he couldn't understand what Inferno was specifically upset about. - Working on it, working on it. My betas jump on me for not putting enough descripty stuff in to make things more immediate, because I always baulk and go, "But but but if I add another few lines here it slows things down wah ur meen!" Then I try to put more descripty stuff in. 'Course, being the writer, I don't know if I actually am improving at all or if I'm stuck on the same even keel. Cannibal Predacon is cannibal.
Razorpack		#26	[-]
Posts: 4456 (08/14/2008 05:41:18) I wish I knew how to Dinobot you! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I've been enjoying this re-write a lot more than the original. Inferno's hang-ups on Megatron's gender left me breathless with laugher. Go to Tom Smith songs and listen to "A Boy And His Frog" This catches me in the throat.
Wayward Martian		#27	[-]
Posts: 12410 (11/29/2008 20:28:40) We'll always have Kalis! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Other Vengeance 2.0, chapter three starts here and goes on for forty pages yikes. Summary: Three days after the change. The Predacons' evil plan ... is to be helpful. Megatron retrieves the alien disc and confronts Dinobot about the reasons why he left the Predacons. Meanwhile, Quickstrike and Silverbolt get sick, and one of the alien sites shows activity. Slash warning: Tigatron and Airazor continue to remain happily lesbian. Cannibal Predacon is cannibal.
Wayward Martian		#28	[-]
Posts: 12561 (06/09/2009 19:56:38) We'll always have Kalis! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Other Vengeance 2.0 main page Or skip right to chapter four. It's fifty pages in four parts. Seven days after the change. Dinobot finds himself in charge of a murder investigation. Cannibal Predacon is cannibal.
Syntia13		#29	[-]
Posts: 148 (06/11/2009 08:05:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	You know, I thought it was impossible, but you actually managed to pack even more awesomeness in this chapter than usual. The murder mystery and all reactions involved are brilliant, and Megatron... is being Megatron. (which is good, yess). Would you be crept out much if I camped in your backyard waiting for the next chap? Edit: Forgot to say - Dinobot quoting 'Macbeth' is somehow more entertaining than Dinobot quoting 'Hamlet' Last Edited By: Syntia13 06/11/2009 08:11:31. Edited 1 times.
Wayward Martian		#30	[-]
Posts: 12564 (06/12/2009 11:44:46) We'll always have Kalis! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	It's not 'packed' when it's fifteen to twenty pages longer than the previous chapters to fit it all in. Would have been less brilliant if I didn't have betas kicking me and saying, "Hey, why doesn't he check [insert some obvious thing that I was silly to miss]?" And, "Stop shying away from the climax! Get back in there and expand on that scene!" ( Critical nitpicky betas are yay. ^_^ ) ( So are Helpful Medical Consultants, for all your Not Screwing Up The Blood needs. ) We has no backyard. We have a parking lot. You can hang out with the Zip Cars. Well, which play is more fun? Mostly, it was not wanting to use Hamlet for everything, and Macbeth fit this chapter better. ( Next: Richard III. ^_^ ) Cannibal Predacon is cannibal.
Syntia13		#31	[-]
Posts: 149 (06/24/2009 02:42:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	...I'm torn between stealing your betas for myself, and leaving them be so they can push you to write more. And there's nothing wrong with twenty extra pages. To read Hamlet, or to read Macbeth... the answer is: depending on the mood ;P Richard III? Dang, I hadn't read that one... eyes her neglected library card thoughtfully Parking lot is cool with me. All the old aunties in the family had that annoying habit of coming up to me at family weddings and asking "So, you'll be next?" They stopped when I started asking them the same at funerals.

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